The Journey Begins

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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I am a quiet girl. I get nervous when in large crowds, but I also love getting to know strangers.

Also, this isn’t my first blog.

In fact, I’ve probably started and dropped 5 different blogs total. I used to think it was a commitment issue, but now I’m realizing it’s something more…

A fear of intimacy.

To be a good blogger, you should write consistently. To be a great blogger, you should be 100% open and honest. And let’s face it… In our oversaturated, picture perfect social media world being authentic is a tough attribute to sell.

There are a few who manage to get it right – the balance between growing an audience with exciting words and vivid pictures, while also staying real and relatable. But how do you find that sweet spot?

I’ve realized recently that my motives when starting blogs in the past, while originally pure and good, somehow morph into something icky and false along the way. I start trying to impress people – not strangers, but my family, friends, and people I already know.

It seems silly doesn’t it? Your family and friends are the people you should feel most secure around. However, what often ends up happening, to me anyways, is a struggle to write words which will appease everyone instead of just myself.

While it’s true you should “write for your audience” – what good is that advice when an audience is so diverse? For instance, writing about yoga might be interesting to my best friend, but my conservative Catholic mom might not appreciate it. Similarly, my child-free friend might not care to read for 15 minutes about my insights on cloth diapering vs disposable, but my mom friend with four kids would find it riveting.

But before I get carried away rambling…

I’m writing all of this to say – my purpose for this blog is to honor me… all of my thoughts and fears and dreams and struggles and triumphs… in a space that is safe from the pressure of trying to please everyone I already know.

Writing for strangers, ironically, will allow me to be my most intimate, authentic self. A person I want desperately to be known.

And so, the journey begins…

I’m currently 6 weeks postpartum from a scheduled cesarean I had on January 4, 2018. He’s my second baby and while I’m thrilled with my new role as “mom of two,” I’m in a place where I feel disconnected with my body and mind.

I dealt with a traumatic labor with my first son, which ended in an emergency cesarean and a very long recovery (9-10 months). It’s something I’ve never fully gotten over and because of it I experienced prenatal depression for most of my pregnancy with my second child.

I’m better(ish) now in that I’m no longer suffering from depression. But I do still feel tired and week from the emotional roller coaster of the last 2.5 years.

This blog will serve as a space for me to chronicle my journey back to health and learning to trust my body again.

For the first time, I don’t have a set game plan… a bullet list of accomplishments to achieve. I know I need to be healthy again – for myself and my family – and I know in order to do that I need to share every part of myself, even if it’s with strangers.

What happens when people open their hearts? They get better.  — Haruki Murakami

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